Play D'oh!

I got an idea.

Forensic evidence usually involes fingerprints, DNA and moulding of teeth sometimes. However, no one has ever had to have their penis moulded to solve a crime so I will be the first!

I'll go on a crime spree and leave moulds of my knob in playdo. That way any suspects will have the pleasure of gettin their knobs moulded to prove their innocence!



Genius.....

Best day ever.

My Chemical Romance = Billy Corgan Time Travel

Picture him bald or with old skool Billy Corgan hair.

A young Billy travelled from the past after receiving word from his future self that Smashing Pumpkins would split and so the past Billy came to the future with a new band.....


True story!

Random thought....

Do you think they used the same actor for all the smileys??

An Alternative History. By Matthew Kneale

Just finished an msn conversation with Speedo, this is the result.

Speedo says:


Para says:
Doc Terror!

Para says:
lol

Speedo says:
yeah man

Speedo says:
lol at that propaganda

Speedo says:
what the fuck could it mean

Para says:
he's on a sex line and the guy is listening in

Para says:
the line is something like 'beware! perverts may leech off ur call'

Para says:
that should be 'other perverts' lol

Speedo says:
heh

Speedo says:
i take it that it don't really say that does it?

Para says:
course it does

Para says:
don't you remember the great sex phone wars of '48??

Speedo says:
can't say as i do lol

Speedo says:
i'm going to find someone who speaks russian and decipher it

Para says:
i did ^^ it's about that

Speedo. says:
you're having me on right?

Para says:
no

Speedo says:
and you can speak fluent russian?

Para says:
course

Speedo says:
where did u learnt that then?

Para says:
didn't u do the phone sex war in history?

Para says:
it was harsh!

Speedo says:
the phone sex war of 1948?

Speedo says:
please explain

Para says:
the great phone sex wars were in 1948 just after WWII. Soldiers came home to wives and g/fs who had found other ppl after the years their men had been away. the result, phone sex services. do to demand the many services had to fend off other companies settin up to cash in. and so it began....

Speedo says:
riiiiiiiiite

Para says:
u didn't do that in history?????

Speedo says:
can't say as i did

Para says:
hmmm, well we did it as closure to WWII

Para says:
ur in uni right?

Speedo says:
yes

Para says:
look it up or ask a lecturer

(thanks for bein a sport speedo )

My new band, Vaginal Seepage

I'm gonna make vaginal seepage the biggest thing in the world without anyone seein or hearin it

Press statement: Vaginal Seepage have come a long way since 'the vagina' (debut album) but it's time to leave that behind. Vaginal Seepage has found itself a new crack in the market to inhabit and will exploit it to it's full extent. Hopefully with Seepage breakin the mould and findin it's way into these cracks it can bust it wide open to allow other alternative acts a taste.

Keep it moist!
Para aka Vaginal Seepage

For more info on the band visit the Mortiis Forum at Mortiis.com

PS. the new dvd 'Get Stuck In!!!' comin soon with footage from the Douglas, Isle of Man gig.

New Year, New Gigs!

Been a while since an update......

Gigs this year:

Next week, Feb 6th, Rammstein in Manchester!!!!!

March/April, Nine Inch Nails hopefully

April 30th, Mortiis in Birmingham!!! Plus I get to meet the guys from the forum too!!!! Gonna be the best gig ever ;)

I'll probably update with pics etc after each.

Firework snack concept

Shortbread Firework!....more on this to come....

Concept 2: Sasquatch: The Wind in My Hair/Shackles of Freedom

Sasquatch: The Wind in My Hair/Shackles of Freedom.

It's a story/concept/theory, or brief history rather, about how the sasquatch became into being.

He was a hairy nudist. Normal people didn't like him because he was a nudist but the nudists didn't like him either cos he was so hairy.

He became an outcast and sought refuge in the hills and forests where he could be nude and no one would complain of him being hairy.

His anger and sadness built up inside making him grow, people who witnessed this evolution called him bigfoot or sasquatch!!!

Troops 

Troops